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Braaains!!! The zombie apocalypse has begun as rotten corpses have been reanimated and risen from their graves voracious for humans. The whole population is in a frenzy. The infections are spreading fast. Fear has befallen society.
A horde of zombies is running amok chasing people everywhere eating their flesh and creating more flesh-eating monstrosities. When such nightmare becomes reality, would you know what to do? Are you prepared and have the means to protect yourself and your family?
Zombie apocalypse needs no introduction. You’ve seen it in the movies. You’ve read it in books. You’ve heard it in folklore. Like a mad scientist trying to reverse aging (or simply regrow his hair) when accidentally marring the human DNA in the process. Alas, a genetic mutation has led to a Frankenstein-esque nightmare ultimately leading to humanity’s demise. Nowadays, with countless other half-baked transmutations and pseudoscience necromancers, the zombie apocalypse may no longer be a question of “if” but “when”!
Lucky for you, surviving the zombie apocalypse is what we will be talking about today. In this post, you’ll learn lifesaving tips and practices to ensure you and your family are safe from those nasty stinking hands. And more importantly, you’ll discover 10 of the best zombie apocalypse weapons to have in your arsenal.
To go along with that, we’ll also be talking about the factors you need to consider when choosing, buying, and stockpiling weaponry against the army of the walking dead. So, read on, and let’s put the nail in the coffin!
Top 10 Zombie Apocalypse Weapons
M48 Cyclone Spear
Spear is considered by martial arts masters and weapon experts as the king of weapons. The reason? It is the most difficult weapon to defend against. Hence, for zombies who know nothing about blocking and head movement, victory is in the bag. And thanks to the spear’s length, you can generate a lot of power and leverage while staying out of the zombies’ bite range and stench. It is the ultimate combination of staff and sword.
Now, take that to the next level and what you get is the M48 Cyclone Spear. It is a deadly spear at 48 7/8” (124.13 cm) long and has the iconic 9” (22.86 cm) stainless-steel spearhead with three spiraling cutting edges so you can cut, stab, and pierce from any angle. The handle is a glass-fiber-reinforced nylon for increased durability and grip. Lastly, for safe storage, it comes with a Vortec sheath.
PROS
- Highly effective spear
- Aesthetically pleasing
- Ergonomic handle design
- Durable
CONS
- Hard to sharpen
SOGfari Tanto Machete
Two of the bulkiest tools you can have in preparation for the zombie apocalypse are a saw and a machete. But what if you can combine both in a single tool? That’s what the SOGfari Tanto Machete brings to the table. It is a machete with a tanto plain edge equipped with a sharp-toothed saw backside.
The great thing is it is one piece of coated 3Cr13 stainless steel (full-tang). This means there are no moving parts hence no failure points and the end of the handle can serve as a pummel.
When it comes to the handle, it is made of Kraton which has exceptional resistance to rutting, cracking, and extreme temperatures. Dimension-wise, the blade/saw is 10” (25.4 cm) long and 16” (40.64 cm) overall. Lightweight at just 13.5 oz (382.7 g). Comes with a nylon sheath with a belt loop.
PROS
- It has a strong handle and blade
- Cuts through zombies’ heads fast and fiercely
- Made by a reputable company
CONS
- Inconvenient to use daily
- The price is slightly higher than other machetes
Gerber Downrange Tactical Tomahawk
Now, if perhaps you already own hundreds of knives and just need a reliable chopper, then the Gerber Downrange Tactical Tomahawk is for you.
Starting with its axe head. It’s got a flat backside that can serve as a hammer and is made of 420 high-carbon steel that’s coated with Cerakote. This makes it super resistant to corrosion, chemicals (who knows what caustic chemicals are in zombies’ entrails), and extreme temperatures (whack zombies in summertime and wintertime with confidence).
The handle has grooved G-10 composite scales for excellent grip even when wet and an integrated stainless steel pry bar at the end so you can break through any barrier (or pry open zombie skulls).
Dimension-wise, you’re looking at an overall length of 19.27” (48.95 cm) and 3.5” (8.89 cm) long axe blade. It is 1.9 lbs (0.86kg) and 2.5 lbs (1.13 kg) with the sheath. And while waiting for zombies to manifest themselves, you can safely store it in its MOLLE-compatible sheath.
PROS
- Comfortable to use
- Well made
- Great for outdoor survival
- Lightweight and compact
CONS
- Not sharp by design (more of a smasher than a fine slicer)
M48 Kommando Survival Shovel
When the horde of zombies is fast approaching, you better have the best shovel handy not just for digging ditch traps and underground shelters but also for smacking those rotten heads.
The M48 Kommando Survival Shovel can help you with both. The shovel head is a tempered 2Cr13 stainless steel with a hard, black oxide coating. It is also pointed with a sharp plain edge tip. On top of that, there’s a concave chopping edge on one side and serration on the other.
When it comes to the handle, it is injection-molded nylon with 30% fiberglass for added durability and better grip. Dimension-wise, you’re looking at 16.25 x 10.6 x 3.6” (41.28 x 26.92 x 9.14 cm) and weighs 7 ounces (0.2 kg). Comes with a reinforced nylon belt pouch.
PROS
- Great price for the level of quality
- Extremely durable
- Ideal for campers and survivalists
CONS
- Short handle
Wilton B.A.S.H Sledge Hammer
Zombies can be hard-headed (literally). They won’t stop until you get munched, crunched, your brains slurped out (you know how it goes), or their rotten stinky heads get smooshed to smithereens. And if you want to see the latter, then get your hands on the Wilton B.A.S.H Sledge Hammer.
This virtually indestructible wrecking beast can decimate concrete walls and zombie skulls like no other thanks to its high-vis 20 lbs (9 kg) drop forged HRC steel head. Yes, 20lbs! Who needs the gym when you can swing this in a zombie carnage?
To complement it, it is locked onto an Unbreakable® handle technology that’s reinforced by steel cores for impeccable strength and durability. That’s not all. The handle is also wrapped in vulcanized rubber for a secured grip and less vibration and shock at impact.
And for you to have firm control, it comes with a lanyard hole so you can fasten it to your wrist. Dimension-wise, it has a length of 36” (91.44 cm) and a total weight of 24 lbs (10.89 kg).
PROS
- Durable construction
- Powerful impact
- Excellent handle
- You can use it for a variety of applications
CONS
- Very heavy (not for weak hands)
- High-vis head can attract zombies (who said they’re color blind?)
Fiskars Demolition Wrecking Bar
Now, if heavy sledgehammers seem overkill and perhaps you prefer something more energy efficient and something even your grandad can wield with ease, then the Fiskars Demolition Wrecking Bar will delight you.
Whether you need to break your way through doors and walls to escape from the overwhelming zombie horde or stand your ground and show them stinkers who’s the boss, you’ll find the smashing and impaling functionality useful.
It has a chisel, pry bar, board bender, demolition edge, and striking face for smashing zombies’ faces. All these in a 30” (76.2 cm) solid steel wrecking bar engineered with an IsoCore® shock control system that minimizes shock and vibration — say goodbye to tingling sensations and muscle fatigue after prolonged use.
What’s more? The handle is covered with textured Softgrip® technology giving you excellent grip and leverage. And since it only weighs 5.77 oz (163.58 g), breaking through obstacles and whacking zombies all day is no problem!
PROS
- Durable
- Excellent handle
- Lightweight
- Full lifetime warranty
CONS
- Fairly expensive compared to some alternatives
OGT Pro Trucker’s Friend Tool
Another zombie apocalypse must-have tool is the OGT (Off Grid Tools) Pro Trucker’s Friend Tool. Originally made to meet the needs of professional truck drivers, this multitool is now used by preppers, survivalists, bushcrafters, and anyone who needs a tough tool for tough jobs.
It can serve as an axe, spanner, hammer, nail puller, tire chain hook, pry bar, and lever — all integrated into a corrosion-resistant black oxide-coated hardened carbon steel.
Hence, may that be prying, pounding, chopping, or what have you at home, outdoors, on the road, or zombie-infested street, this tool is your man. Moreover, it boasts a Nupla fiberglass shaft with a shock-absorbing rubber handle for superior grip and leverage.
PROS
- Super compact and portable
- Amazing quality
- Versatile
- Excellent handle
CONS
- Too small for heavy-duty tasks
BearX Intense Crossbow
If you’re more into Robin Hood style of taking down zombies, then get yourself a crossbow. Unlike traditional bows, it doesn’t require much physical strength or training. Not to mention it is also more controlled and accurate. And one of the best crossbows for your buck is the BearX Intense Crossbow.
Whereas most crossbows require 30 steps to set up and arduous calibration, the BearX requires little to no assembly because most of the work and adjustments have been done in the factory. As for the ballistics, an astonishing 400 feet per second arrow speed!
It is a no-frill crossbow that comes fully assembled with a complete package including 3 arrows, illuminated scope, a 4-arrow quiver, cocking rope, and rail lube or string wax. And in case you’re worried about zombies spotting you, the BearX Intense Crossbow has a Strata camo-pattern design hence the zombies will never know what hit them.
PROS
- Great accuracy
- Very powerful
- Easy to use
CONS
- Heavy in comparison to other models
OGT Pro Survival Axe Elite
Just like its cousin, the OGT Pro Survival Axe Elite has a wide range of useful tools — axe blade, nail puller, hammerhead, pry bar, PLUS… a replaceable and locking 6” thin kerf reciprocal saw blade (tucked in the handle), glass breaker, seatbelt cutter, spanner wrench, gas valve wrench, hex sockets, and the all-important bottle opener so you can crack a cold one after a long day of chopping off zombies’ heads.
The best part? It is an all-steel full-tang construction that’s coated and heat-treated. As with the handle, it is glass-filled nylon. Dimension-wise, compact at just 11” (27.94 cm) long and weighs 1.5 lbs (680 g).
PROS
- Super handy and quickly accessible
- Quality build
- Ideal in most situations when camping or going outdoors
CONS
- The blade shape isn’t the most practical
- Unergonomic handle design
Gerber Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit
Gerber is one of the most highly renowned survival gear companies in the world. Hence, you can rest assured they know how to make the best products for every tough endeavor. And surviving a zombie apocalypse is no exception. Enter their Gerber Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit!
It’s got various blade tools neatly organized in a sturdy canvas carrying case. First, there are the 3 knives — compact Epic knife with partially serrated blade and integrated bottle opener into the handle; DMF folder with G-10 handle and partially serrated tanto blade; and LMF II Infantry fixed blade with lashing holes for spear-making.
Second, 3 machetes — Gator with both fine and serrated edges; Gator Pro with a hook blade; and Parang machete with an angled blade modeled after the traditional jungle machete. Lastly, a Camp II axe with a forged steel head and an elongated glass-filled nylon handle with a molded plastic sheath. All blades are made of coated high-carbon steel.
PROS
- High-quality items
- Neatly organized
- Backed by a lifetime warranty
CONS
- Not as comprehensive as other survival kits
Should I Invest in a Zombie Apocalypse Weapon?
“If you’re ready for zombies, you’re ready for anything.”— Matt Mogk, founder of the Zombie Research Society
The short answer is “Yes”!
Look at it this way. If you have zombie apocalypse weapons, you’re also prepared for human-caused disasters ranging from burglary and home invasion to terrorism and war (truth is, “zombies” can be used as a metaphor for criminals). You’re covering one of the most important elements in disaster preparedness and survival security.
When you buy zombie weapons, what you’re actually doing is arming yourself with self-defense weapons and practical tools — spear to defend against attackers and predators, crossbow to hunt games, and a demolition bar to renovate your home — all while waiting for zombies to dare enter your property. See the practicality?
Remember, it is better to have zombie apocalypse weapons and not need them rather than need them and not have them! And with the world as we know it today, what’s possible doesn’t always seem probable… including a zombie apocalypse. Lest you forget, zombies don’t have to come from graves.
Factors to Consider When Buying a Zombie Apocalypse Weapon
Build: When buying a zombie apocalypse weapon, you wanna make sure it can last you for years if not a lifetime. Avoid weapons/tools with critical parts made of inferior materials like a sledgehammer’s handle made of weak wood or a shovel’s handle made of hollow plastic.
Also, stay away from transformer gimmicks… you know the ones that can be disassembled into 50 different parts and are bombarded with random “tactical” tools under the sun — the more moving parts, the more possible points of failure. You’re putting together seriously lifesaving zombie weaponry, not a toy collection, aren’t you?
Utility: Next, ask yourself what you truly need and what’s best for your circumstance and zombie apocalypse plan. For instance, if you plan on escaping the city and building a fortress in the woods, then a big axe would fare better so you can efficiently fell trees. Otherwise, if you plan on fighting zombies head-on, then a lightweight tomahawk would be the better choice.
Now, since you never really know how the zombie apocalypse will play out, choose a weapon that’s versatile and offers multiple functionalities so you can adapt accordingly and have the right tool on the fly.
Above all, ignore rocket science products. Let’s face it. Most people can’t think clearly under stress let alone being surrounded by ugly zombies. Thus, make sure the weapon you’re buying is easy to operate both physically and mentally.
Portability: What good is the baddest biggest zombie apocalypse weapon if you can’t even carry it? You see, the best weapon is the weapon you have with you. That being said, don’t overlook the size and weight.
Note that a zombie apocalypse can instigate a food crisis. Therefore, when your calories are limited, every ounce of your weapon (in addition to your other gears) counts especially if you’re whacking zombies all day or traveling by foot in a long haul. So, make sure to get a weapon with all the utilities you need in the least possible weight and size.
Maintenance: During a zombie apocalypse, you can’t expect the world to be business as usual. And when manufacturers can no longer do replacements, couriers can’t ship returns, and weapon stores don’t operate, your current weapons may be all you’ll ever have to survive. In which case, you better hope they’re durable enough to outlast the zombie onslaught.
And during that period, keeping them in tip-top shape should be simple and easy to do. This is another important reason to avoid a zombie weapon with a plethora of intricate parts as they can be hard and time-consuming to clean, lubricate, and assemble back. And if needed, should be easy to mend minor damages and resharpen the edges.
Affordability: Stockpiling zombie apocalypse weapons should not bring about a financial burden. While taking care of your security aspect is critical, it should not deplete your life savings. Take note that there are other survival essentials you need to prioritize too such as food, water, shelter, and whatnot.
However, that doesn’t mean going for the cheapest price tag and forgoing quality. Do your research. Compare multiple options. Take advantage of discounts and sale events. Look beyond the marketing claims (especially bold claims that sound too good to be true). The key is to not splurge blindly and not skimp on quality.
How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse?
Once you have completed your zombie apocalypse armory, it is time to learn some lifesaving tips and best practices. The thing is, a zombie weapon is only as good as the wielder. And if don’t know how NOT to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, you’ll find yourself fighting a losing battle.
First of all, examine yourself. You see, the fact remains throughout history — you have a much higher chance of survival if you’re fit and healthy. You don’t expect to outrun zombies with your 300-pound beer belly or when a 10-second sprint is already killing you, do you?
Second, make sure your basic physiological needs are addressed. That includes food (be self-sufficient and embrace farming, hunting/fishing, and foraging), water (have ways to store and procure safe drinking water), shelter (from rain gear and tent to having a safe house), and power (backup sources, extra batteries, and means to start a fire).
Complement everything by having reliable transportation and communication so you can escape from a zombie-infested area in a jiffy and stay up-to-date with current events and each member of your party. And don’t forget to stockpile your first aid kit, medical supplies particularly for infectious diseases, and disinfectants (soap, alcohol, bleach, etc.).
Third, formulate an emergency plan with contingencies and a rendezvous in case of separation. Now here’s the important part — transparency is key. Disseminate the plan to all involved. Everyone should be thoroughly aware of their specific responsibilities. Because when zombies come knocking at your door and you’re unprepared, you can kiss your brains goodbye.
In terms of security, one of the safest locations to hunker down during a zombie apocalypse is a prison. That’s right. It is great at not just keeping people in but also keeping zombies out thanks to its high walls, barbed fences, and multiple layers of security. In terms of long-term survival, however, it is best to move out of the city and into nature. Therein you’ll have more resources like animals and plants for food and natural water sources.
Most of all, build a strong community. As the adage goes, “No man is an island.” Sooner or later, the “one-man army” will be overwhelmed by horde of zombies from every angle. Humanity didn’t come this far because we were the strongest or smartest — but because we worked together as one. Hence, having a community of people you can trust will go a long way. You’ll be watching each other’s back, sharing the work, and even hopefully will rebuild society after the zombie apocalypse.